Hot Molten Lava

Joe here. Most of you may not know this, but I'm an absolutely wonderful cook. My culinary creations are works of art for the palate. The things I can do with Hamburger Helper, Spaghetti O's, Bagel Bites, Hot Dogs, "Wunderbar!!!" (That's German for wonderful. Think Schultz from Hogan's Hero's).

Anyway, last night I was in the kitchen again whipping up another masterpiece sure to get me a guest spot on Iron Chef. Frozen Tortellini with Marinara sauce. My kids love the stuff. They obviously recognize the work of a world class chef.

However, last night I would have to say my creation was more the work of the Nutty Professor rather than Gordon Ramsay. It seems I discovered how to make liquid fusion with my sauce. I just knew the EPA was going to break down our door and declare our house a federal disaster area.

To say the sauce was hot is an understatement. To say the sauce tasted bad would be a lie. It was the nastiest, heart-burn inducing, give-me-the-runs, hose down my nostrils, red, food like substance ever created by man. In the old days I would be killed, buried with the vile substance and the area around the grave site declared evil and off-limits to the tribe for a thousand years. It was THAT bad. On the bright side, if anyone's stripping furniture and doesn't mind wearing a hazmat suit, I got some stuff for ya. :)

Needless to say, alternative nourishment sources had to be obtained for the kiddies.