Joe's Haircut

It's been 8 weeks since my last hair cut. After spending over 9 years in the Navy, I got pretty used to a nice, well groomed and short hairstyle. So after 8 weeks, I felt kinda like a member of the Doobie Brothers or Willie Nelson. So, time for a trim.

There's nothing like the feeling of a fresh hair cut. You can feel the wind on your neck and ears again. Washing your hair is faster and easier. Combing this wirey substance on my head is simplified. Yes, I love a hair cut.

And I'm not particular either. After enduring an endless supply of good and bad barbers in the Navy, I found I wasn't real picky about the cut. Just short please. Think Ron Howard from Happy Days and cut away. I can't remember any barbers or stylists I ever disliked.

So, after work today I head to the local hair salon for my trim. I was immediately greeted by a comedic, stereotypical, southern hair stylist. I don't mean to be mean or offensive to any highly educated, Rhodes Scholar winning stylists (if there are any). But I felt as if I'd left the quaint metropolitan area north of Atlanta for a trailer park in southern Mississippi.

The gem of a gal who greeted me was half blond, half roots and had a thick redneck accent. Not the nice, polite southern accent associated with tea parties, church socials and SEC Sorority girls. I'm talking the blunt, trashy redneck speech associated with uneducated white trash. (If anyone who reads this has family you consider to be white trash, I apologize now. I'm sure this woman was far worse than any of your kin folk. You're obviously to hard on your kin.)

Where was I, oh yes, the stylist. You may be thinking: "Joe, why are you being so hard on this poor southern woman." Well let me share with you some of the pearls of wisdom she shared with me:

- "What size clipper do you want me to use. If'n you don't tell me I'll shave ya head."

- I told her I just wanted a cut, I'm not the stylist, I don't know clipper sizes. To which she responds: "Ok, it's your head. Yell if it looks too short."

- "I don' t tell my husband I love him cause then he won't appreciate me no mo."

- "I don't let my children near the computer. It's the devil." (I'll never be able to watch Waterboy again and not think of this woman.)

- "I'll be married a lot longer than you. Me and my husbands got true love." (Note: She's been married 15 yrs. Vic and I have been married 21 yrs. Seems she has a math problem too.)

- "I can't believe the hard time they's giving Sarah Palin's daughter for being pregnant at 17. I had my first kid at 16 and look how I turned out."

- "Computers are evil and the main problem with this world." (Note: This was after I told her I worked in software development, and of course, after I explained to her what that was.)

- "There's nothing wrong with gettin pregnant at 16 and being a single mom. Builds character."

And believe it or not, when she was done I looked like Eddie Munster. I couldn't believe it. I hated what she did to my head. I hated it so bad I didn't ask her to fix it, I just wanted to leave.

I actually came home, grabbed Hailey's craft scissors and cut my own hair in the bathroom. Vic thought I was crazy.

I must say, I look much better now.

Never again will that woman cut my hair.