Anyone who knows my cousin Jan also knows she views the speed limit as merely a recommendation. They really don’t expect people to drive as slow as 70 mph on the interstates. Time for me to have some fun.
ACT I
I grab my cell phone, yell at everyone in the house to be quiet and call Jan’s cell. I obviously use a very southern accent and disguise my voice as much as possible.
Jan: “Hello.”
Joe: “Good afternoon maam, this here’s Sheriff Buford Beauregard of the State Patrol.”
Jan: “Ok.”
Joe: “We’ve been monitoring you driving up I75 and would really like for you to slow down.”
Jan: “What!?!
Joe: "Yes maam, we been keeping an eye on you."
Jan: "Joe? Is that you?” (She didn’t really call me Joe, my family call me by my middle name.)
Joe: Uncontrollable laughter.
Jan: “I don’t believe you,,,,,,I had already started slowing down and was getting ready to pull off the road.”
Jan wouldn’t have known it was me except one little error. I thought she was on I75, she was actually traveling on I95, and they'd just crossed the South Carolina state line.
I still got her though. BUT WAIT!!! IT GETS BETTER.
Jan told me Laura was in the car behind her, gave me her cell phone and told me I needed to pull the joke on her. I needed no further encouragement. (Laura is Jan’s daughter and my favorite cousin to play jokes on.)
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ACT II
Laura: “Hello.”
Joe: “Good afternoon maam, this here’s Sheriff Buford Beauregard of the South Carolina State Patrol.”
Laura: “Ok.”
Joe: “We’ve been monitoring you driving on I95 and would really like for you to slow down some maam.”
Laura: “Ok. Yes sir.”
Joe: “That's good maam, this here’s just a courtesy call, now you drive safe.”
Laura: “Ok.”
I could hear it in her voice. Total, absolute fear. This was great!!!!
So I wait a minute and call Laura back.
Laura: “JOOOEEEE I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!”
Joe: Uncontrollable, bent over laughing.
Laura: “I slowed down so much I can’t even see Mom any more. I was ready to pull over.
Joe: Still uncontrollable, bent over laughing.
Laura: “I called Mom and she told me it was you. You’re dead!!!!”
Joe: Still laughing. “Laura honey,,,,,your Mom was the one that gave me your cell phone number.”
As George Peppard said on The A Team. “I love it when a plan comes together.”
So,,,,,,how was your weekend?