Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Save the World, Eat a Rat

Ok. I've been down on myself lately. Sick, hurt, tired, fat, unmotivated, yada yada yada.

So I've decided today's post will be positive. That's right. I will turn myself around, stop feeling sorry for myself and use the oxygen I'm breathing from this great planet of ours to promote the common good.

Today I'm tackling many, many issues, by promoting the eating of Rat. That's right, those warm, fuzzy gray creatures we all know and detest.

First, let's look at some positive attributes of the rat:
1. Rats serve a vital purpose. They eat crap we don't want.
2. Rats aren't that much different from lovable hamsters. Fur, heads, tails.
3. Rats provide a warm home for fleas and other parasites all year long.
4. Without the Rat, the Chinese calendar would have to change.
5. They give ample warning to crews of ships that their ship is going down.

Second, why is eating rats a good idea?
1. They're the perfect size for Buffalo Wings. And yes,,,,that is rat. Of course we'd have to change the name to Rat Wings or something.
2. Rats take less space than chickens to raise.
3. Rats reproduce faster than rabbits and chickens combined.
4. Rats are full of protein.
5. Rats can eat anything, no need to buy special grain or food. So cheaper to raise.
6. Rats produce less methane than cows, so the global warming nuts should love the idea.
7. Rats are disgusting creatures, so PETA shouldn't mind the wholesale slaughter and consumption of rats. Ok, maybe not.
8. Consuming rats will decrease the numbers living in the wild and consuming human food stocks.
9. The wholesale slaughter and consumption of trillions of Rat Burgers and Rat Wings would decimate the worlds flea and parasite population. That has to be good.
10. To consume rats on a global scale would require rat trappers, breeders and distributors. A whole new industry and jobs would be born.
11. Rats are already in most restaurants.

So there you have it. Consuming rats would help global warming, reduce the cost of food world wide, create jobs, help our economy and well,,,,,, they just might taste good. I mean the French are stupid enough to eat snails.

Just think if everyone in the world ate a rat every week. 6 Billion rats per week would fall on the alter of human advancement. 24 Billion per month. 288 Billion per year.

The slums of New York and Third World Countries around the world would become different places to live. I mean think of the positive impact this would have on the world.

Yes. This is my contribution to the world for today. I'm pretty proud of myself.



JoeVic said...

Your a sick puppy,,,,and no we're not going to eat puppy either!!

Steph Bachman said...

I don't know about eating rats. I might have to go vegetarian. We have rats in our yard but they are brown and look like big lumpy field mice. You are welcome to take as many as you can catch. : )

And, don't stress about the workouts. Each day is an opportunity for a fresh start. At least that is what I tell myself when I have nachos for dinner or succumb to the lure of the vending machine.

Anonymous said...

Little Brother, I've heard you say some strange things in the last 45 years but as God is my witness; this is the strangest thing you've said. But I love you.