Sunday, May 4, 2008

Hide and Seek

I love hide and seek. It was one of my favorite games growing up, especially as I got older and figured out ways to hide in plane sight using camouflage or other cover to fool people. I could make myself disappear right in front of everyone. It’s a gift I’m using now to torture my children.

“Count to 25 girls, if you find me, you get a new toy.” And off I go.

A few of the places I’ve hidden recently include:
- In the living room behind a shear curtain. Plainly obvious, but they didn’t see me until Vic pointed me out.
- On the couch behind a pillow. Pure genius. They walked around me dozens of times.
- On top of the washer covered in clothes. Again, genius. Never saw me.
- In the play room (otherwise known as the Christmas Tree room) with their toys stacked in front of me. Used this several times before they caught on.
- Behind an open door in several rooms. Good once or twice, but not any more.
- In the crawl spaces over the garage. Old faithful. So far, they’ve never found me there.

This weekend I tried adding a new spot to my dossier, but I ran into a little trouble in the planning area. First, a review of the keys to a good hiding spot, especially when working with children trained in my devilish ways:
1) Hide in sight. Let them think they’re seeing nothing.
2) Blend. Make yourself part of the clutter, the background, so that when they look straight at you, they still don’t see you.
3) Accessibility. It must be a place you can get in and out of without being seen or heard. This conceals your location and hopefully allow you to reuse the spot.

It is in the third area I failed last night. My choice again was the laundry room. Only this time I wasn’t behind the door or on top of the washer under some clothes. I sat down in a laundry basket in the floor, covered myself with clothes and pulled the ironing board over me. I must say, I was quite invisible from the door and very proud of myself for another hiding job well done. That is until it came time to stand up.

You see, my lard a$$ fat butt was stuck in the basket. And on top of that, my legs were at such an angle I couldn’t put them on the floor. So were my hands. I was like a upended turtle along the side of the road with his feet running in air. Pretty pathetic really. The king of hide and seek begging for help from his little girls to get out of a laundry basket. Yep, of all the things they’ll forget about their childhood, I’m sure this won’t be one of them.


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