Monday, March 31, 2008

Hot Molten Lava

Joe here. Most of you may not know this, but I'm an absolutely wonderful cook. My culinary creations are works of art for the palate. The things I can do with Hamburger Helper, Spaghetti O's, Bagel Bites, Hot Dogs, "Wunderbar!!!" (That's German for wonderful. Think Schultz from Hogan's Hero's).

Anyway, last night I was in the kitchen again whipping up another masterpiece sure to get me a guest spot on Iron Chef. Frozen Tortellini with Marinara sauce. My kids love the stuff. They obviously recognize the work of a world class chef.

However, last night I would have to say my creation was more the work of the Nutty Professor rather than Gordon Ramsay. It seems I discovered how to make liquid fusion with my sauce. I just knew the EPA was going to break down our door and declare our house a federal disaster area.

To say the sauce was hot is an understatement. To say the sauce tasted bad would be a lie. It was the nastiest, heart-burn inducing, give-me-the-runs, hose down my nostrils, red, food like substance ever created by man. In the old days I would be killed, buried with the vile substance and the area around the grave site declared evil and off-limits to the tribe for a thousand years. It was THAT bad. On the bright side, if anyone's stripping furniture and doesn't mind wearing a hazmat suit, I got some stuff for ya. :)

Needless to say, alternative nourishment sources had to be obtained for the kiddies.

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